Cosplay Flailing
Apr. 6th, 2012 04:14 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
setraSo. Fuck. It's 4 AM and since I'm clearly not sleeping, here's where the ranting about why I'm not sleeping goes.
1) Dishes. I am hungry. But when I cook, I wash my dishes immediately. this is currently not possible because the sink is full of the dishes and J and R used to eat the last batch of food I cooked. I only got one serving, and then when I went to take leftovers to work, all the rice had been eaten. Then after today when I would have made more rice, the rest of the hayashi was gone too. Which is fine, I guess, except that I'm the one who dropped $100 the last time we went shopping, and $25 the time before that, and $80 last month, but I digress. The hunger is not really why I'm not sleeping, that's just the excuse.
The real reason is:
2) World Cosplay Summit qualifying rounds for 2013 are being announced... and NDK2012 is hosting one of them. A CON I AM GOING TO. A con I love. So of course, of /course/ I have to try. I can think of several costumes that I want to do... and some that are even impressive enough (Yuuko and/or Clow and/or Haruka 3 (God, Kokuryu) or 5 (epic Shinsengumi swordfight) or even Might and Veruna). If the rules are anything like last year then they're pretty intense, but I'm ok with that. It just requires planning. But there are two major problems:
a) The first problem is that when compared to performances like this one from 2011, and Mellissa and Pannon's from last year's qualifying, there would be some serious planning and choreography involved in this. Hardcore practice and developing music and stuff that I've never done before. Still, I think I can do this. At least I really want to try.
b) Second is bigger and that is that I HAVE NO COSPLAY PARTNERS. Because K is a ball of stress and angst and doesn't do the creativity/sewing/cosplay/cons thing anymore. And J... who I spent years coaxing into going on stage and making lovely costumes for has decided that she doesn't want to cosplay anymore. By which she really means that she never liked it much anyway, doesn't want to learn to sew, and would rather play video games and wear t-shirts to cons and... you know, be normal. Which is fine really, totally their respective life choices. But I'm crying and feeling very lonely about it, because it does effect me to be told basically "that thing you do and that we've spent years working on, and that used to bring us together and bring us a lot of joy? I hate it."
Am I so crazy to want to cosplay? I mean, I know lots of other people do, but am I insane that all I see when I look at games or shows is costumes? Is it totally nuts to still want to make Haruka 2 and 3 costumes when the games are a decade old? Maybe it is.
C is a possibility as a partner, but I know she'd rather work with 'Irene' or one of her other group. Even if all that weren't a problem, the issue with her is the same as it is with almost everyone else in the country... no one knows Haruka. Or Ange. Or Silver Chaos. Haruka 3 there's /some/ subbed bits available, but it makes no sense to most people and Haruka 5? Hah. (I'm feeling vaguely like my only hope is to talk Mik into it, but we're neither of us very performance oriented. Maybe we could pull something off with Clow and Yuuko though.)
This is all coming out because I had to spend all my money on car insurance this morning and so can't actually go to SakuraCon even though I requested the weekend off. So now I have four days when I'd love to be relaxing or sewing or anything, and instead I have a room with no work space, and lots of time to stare at it.
I own so many things and so few of them are important at all... but I still can't let go. I feel incredibly isolated and despondent in my own house, and I just don't know what to do anymore.
1) Dishes. I am hungry. But when I cook, I wash my dishes immediately. this is currently not possible because the sink is full of the dishes and J and R used to eat the last batch of food I cooked. I only got one serving, and then when I went to take leftovers to work, all the rice had been eaten. Then after today when I would have made more rice, the rest of the hayashi was gone too. Which is fine, I guess, except that I'm the one who dropped $100 the last time we went shopping, and $25 the time before that, and $80 last month, but I digress. The hunger is not really why I'm not sleeping, that's just the excuse.
The real reason is:
2) World Cosplay Summit qualifying rounds for 2013 are being announced... and NDK2012 is hosting one of them. A CON I AM GOING TO. A con I love. So of course, of /course/ I have to try. I can think of several costumes that I want to do... and some that are even impressive enough (Yuuko and/or Clow and/or Haruka 3 (God, Kokuryu) or 5 (epic Shinsengumi swordfight) or even Might and Veruna). If the rules are anything like last year then they're pretty intense, but I'm ok with that. It just requires planning. But there are two major problems:
a) The first problem is that when compared to performances like this one from 2011, and Mellissa and Pannon's from last year's qualifying, there would be some serious planning and choreography involved in this. Hardcore practice and developing music and stuff that I've never done before. Still, I think I can do this. At least I really want to try.
b) Second is bigger and that is that I HAVE NO COSPLAY PARTNERS. Because K is a ball of stress and angst and doesn't do the creativity/sewing/cosplay/cons thing anymore. And J... who I spent years coaxing into going on stage and making lovely costumes for has decided that she doesn't want to cosplay anymore. By which she really means that she never liked it much anyway, doesn't want to learn to sew, and would rather play video games and wear t-shirts to cons and... you know, be normal. Which is fine really, totally their respective life choices. But I'm crying and feeling very lonely about it, because it does effect me to be told basically "that thing you do and that we've spent years working on, and that used to bring us together and bring us a lot of joy? I hate it."
Am I so crazy to want to cosplay? I mean, I know lots of other people do, but am I insane that all I see when I look at games or shows is costumes? Is it totally nuts to still want to make Haruka 2 and 3 costumes when the games are a decade old? Maybe it is.
C is a possibility as a partner, but I know she'd rather work with 'Irene' or one of her other group. Even if all that weren't a problem, the issue with her is the same as it is with almost everyone else in the country... no one knows Haruka. Or Ange. Or Silver Chaos. Haruka 3 there's /some/ subbed bits available, but it makes no sense to most people and Haruka 5? Hah. (I'm feeling vaguely like my only hope is to talk Mik into it, but we're neither of us very performance oriented. Maybe we could pull something off with Clow and Yuuko though.)
This is all coming out because I had to spend all my money on car insurance this morning and so can't actually go to SakuraCon even though I requested the weekend off. So now I have four days when I'd love to be relaxing or sewing or anything, and instead I have a room with no work space, and lots of time to stare at it.
I own so many things and so few of them are important at all... but I still can't let go. I feel incredibly isolated and despondent in my own house, and I just don't know what to do anymore.
