The state of things
Apr. 14th, 2005 12:13 amSo... now I don't know where to start this entry.
I've been away from LJ lately - well, posting anyway. I've also been trying to avoid the net in general during the day to keep myself prodictive. It's been pretty good so far.
Sorry for people who I've fallen asleep on or dropped out of conversation with online. (Especially![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rkold, gomen. I'll try to catch you this weekend, promise.)
I'm trying really hard to get back to being motivated. I could do anything before I went to Japan... for three years everything was for Gaidai. Then I went, and it was perfect, and I came back... and it was over.
But Japan is still my one true love, and to get back, I have to get on top of things. I have to get a job, and deal with money and school and everything. I have to grow up. And for maybe the first time since I was about 13, I'm at peace with that.
I never wanted to grow up as a child. I never tried to be older... if anything, I acted younger than my age for a really long time. Maybe I still do. But now, I really want to make things right. I want to take control of my life and be the adult I know I'm ready to be. It feels kinda nice.
I have this new cd I burned last night. The first serious compilation with thought put into song selection and all that I've burned since Japan. It's a combination of songs from last spring and the ones I've loved lately (Yuushi and Tezuka stuff, mostly). It's... good. Very good. It feels right for me right now in a way that no cd has since... maybe Misc. Anime Disc 16 or so back in senior year of HS.
So tonight I've been good. I finished all the kanji for 3rd year until the end of this semester and looked up and read all my articles for my capstone for tomorrow.
Of course, then we watched Hagaren 1-3... but it was good, and I needed it. Then I read SIP 72. And for just a moment, I felt Kachoo's freedom. Her decided spirit (no, 決心 and 意志 don't translate too well)... well, it just fit my mood. Thank you Terry Moore.
And now it is far too late and time for me to sleep before Sanmon Toki-ing in the asa. ~_~ Must stop doing this to myself.
I've been away from LJ lately - well, posting anyway. I've also been trying to avoid the net in general during the day to keep myself prodictive. It's been pretty good so far.
Sorry for people who I've fallen asleep on or dropped out of conversation with online. (Especially
rkold, gomen. I'll try to catch you this weekend, promise.)I'm trying really hard to get back to being motivated. I could do anything before I went to Japan... for three years everything was for Gaidai. Then I went, and it was perfect, and I came back... and it was over.
But Japan is still my one true love, and to get back, I have to get on top of things. I have to get a job, and deal with money and school and everything. I have to grow up. And for maybe the first time since I was about 13, I'm at peace with that.
I never wanted to grow up as a child. I never tried to be older... if anything, I acted younger than my age for a really long time. Maybe I still do. But now, I really want to make things right. I want to take control of my life and be the adult I know I'm ready to be. It feels kinda nice.
I have this new cd I burned last night. The first serious compilation with thought put into song selection and all that I've burned since Japan. It's a combination of songs from last spring and the ones I've loved lately (Yuushi and Tezuka stuff, mostly). It's... good. Very good. It feels right for me right now in a way that no cd has since... maybe Misc. Anime Disc 16 or so back in senior year of HS.
So tonight I've been good. I finished all the kanji for 3rd year until the end of this semester and looked up and read all my articles for my capstone for tomorrow.
Of course, then we watched Hagaren 1-3... but it was good, and I needed it. Then I read SIP 72. And for just a moment, I felt Kachoo's freedom. Her decided spirit (no, 決心 and 意志 don't translate too well)... well, it just fit my mood. Thank you Terry Moore.
And now it is far too late and time for me to sleep before Sanmon Toki-ing in the asa. ~_~ Must stop doing this to myself.
