setra | This is the way it always goes...

My life can be summarized by the Natalie Imbruglia song "One More Addiction" - This episode: SeraMyu
I can feel myself falling back into the obsession. But I keep trying to step back. I know I have no right to this. There are so many others who went through so much pain with YnS and the musicals, what right do I have to be wanting to perform? I keep having these fantasies, but I know that no one who used to be in YnS a) knows me or b) wants to do anything related to SeraMyu ever again. Even doing a costume feels like it would be kinda stealing something from them. But the addiction is so strong. Sailor Moon in all its forms is deep in my subconscious, and it just makes me happy.
Plus, SeraMyu is a whole new fandom. A fandom where you can still be a fangirl and people will still think you're weird. That may sound strange, but when you define a large part of yourself by your uniqueness in watching a lot of anime and suddenly every Joe Schmo that watches cable has heard of Cowboy Bebop, Trigun, InuYasha, .Hack and half a dozen others, you start to feel a little lost and worthless. In this new world where any new show is picked up and mass marketed by ADV within months of original release, and everyone who watches a few dub episodes thinks that they're a fan, it's hard to fight for your own.
SeraMyu will never be on network TV, probably never even released in America, so it's still a limited commodity. It's something that I can enjoy and laugh at and be happy with and still be unique. But I didn't find it on my own, I found it through Kat and Stephanie - indirectly through YnS. And now that YnS has exploded, I don't know where to stand. I was going to audition with them, and then I hoped to have a place in the fandom that I couldn't claim to have on my own without feeling guilty. Now I can't... and I can't decide whether to fight this enjoyable rush of obsession or let it go.
So I'm torn. Should I start buying fansub tapes (or even DVDs) of this thing because I want them, or forget it because I don't have a right to it?

Yeah, ok, so that ranted a lot and is probably not worth reading. Meh. This is 80% for me anyway, because I never write anymore.
In other related news, I want to see Muugen Gakuen Mistress Labyrinth more than anything... "Destined Couple" and "Harsh! Saint Cry" in the same musical if my mp3 labels are to be believed. *sigh* Then again... see the above rant. Hn.
Right, now to home. I've been here way to long and I have a review session at 7. o_O

Bishonen: Seiryuu (the new one ^_^)
Bishojo: Juri and Anshi