setra: (rain/ayato - know myself)
Been on vacation for almost a week now. And a couple of things have happened.
First - I have friends. Places to be and people to see and things to do. I know this would taper off if I lived here, but it feels unbelievably nice to have people to see and talk to and to bring me into new things.
Second, I love my mom's house. Maybe it's just that I'm starting from scratch and a clean foundation, maybe it's that I haven't run out of money yet, but it feels so good to live here, to make food and clean up and sew a bit.
Third, Val texted me and said that they will need a new RTL as of 10/22. And holy shit, why do things like this keep happening? If there has been a message the universe has been trying to send me, I think it might well be 'go back to Colorado'.

Or am I feeling all this because I'm on vacation? I mean, the difference between thinking about going back to work at 2228 versus 2173 is night and day. The smiles I saw on people's faces at the Ft. Collins store and the number of people in the building.... there would still be a shrink plan to follow but... god, I feel like with Val and Shawna I could manage that. I'd be included, I'd know what the hell was going on and what to /do/. I could get back to the place where there are standards and they are enforced.

It's the dream. Anyway. I need to talk to mom about the possibility of living here and/or taking her car if I sold mine. I need to talk to Rob about whether he would stay in Washington if I moved in October. And I need to decide in my heart if this is what I want. In my dreams I can imagine that I could get a better job in Seattle, but there is something in me that fails to go out and do those things, and maybe here... god I hate making choices. They change everything and change is so miserable.


Jun. 27th, 2012 11:45 pm
setra: (Default)
So. Today. For the record.
Don't have any idea how I will continue going to this job as it is literally and figuratively driving me to insanity.
Also deeper depression.
And anger.
And rage.
And misery.

I have no idea how I would survive without the job because enormous pile of debt and no savings. Right. So.

Oh yeah, also, they wrote me up for stupid shit today, so I cannot transfer for THREE MONTHS. Anywhere. Even home. Even to a tiny store somewhere else.

I can not unthink that these things may be related.

In short. The internet is the only thing keeping me from weeping right now. Also, my eyes hurt and I want to sleep for about a year.

Yeah, a year would be good.
setra: (rain/ayato - know myself)
I don't think today was that bad, objectively speaking. A lot of fabric got done, not by me, but if Gene can work fabric and he doesn't feel bad ignoring guests since he's already kindof a dick, then all the better.
I spent most of the day at the register. Of course... then there were the recurring technical issues. And let me tell you, I am getting pretty damn tired of being the only one on the managment team that has any idea of what the various computers do, how they work, or how to fix them. Or indeed, what numbers to call or websites to post our issues to. THIS IS EVERYONES JOB. I am not getting paid more to be the damn tech-support guru.

Anyway, I did the bus commute today, and in addition to being frigid cold , it turns out that I took Jess's shoes this morning, so my mid day, my feet hurt rather a lot more than they did on the first few days with my new shoes. By the end of the day I had massive blisters on my pinky toes and could barely walk. Of course I had to walk... to the bus, and then home. So I pierced the blisters like a big girl and got some little blister-cover bandaid things from Safeway and headed out.

It was well below freezing by this point of course, and in my dithering around and hoping in vain that someone with a more functional car that me would be around to possibly be bribed into driving me home I has missed a bus, which meant a 40-minute wait for the next one. In the freezing cold. And like an idiot, I somehow managed to sleep straight through Everett station and not wake up until the Mariner P&R, which meant walking 14 blocks. In still-below-freezing, and in the shoes that still hurt like a bitch to move it, even if it was no longer excruciating.

Anyway, so. Not a good day. And I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that I'm pretty badly OCD about some things. Like dishes. And stoves and counters being clean. And living in my present arrangement is making me totally crazy.

Anyway, downswing. One of those 'gee living with my mom would be heaven' days. They're not all that common. Except when they are.
setra: (Default)
I survived Saturday! E and I are both getting rather annoyed with the fact that certain people who are responsible for the schedule are not balancing coverage, so those of us with no control over the schedule are left without coverage a lot of the time.

Now I'm listening to "For Good" for the eight-billionth time. It had never really struck me before, I loved "No Good Deed" and "Defying Gravity" of course, but until I saw it in the upcoming song list at the end of Glee Season 2 I hadn't listened to it much. Now I love it. So much.

Of course my iPod follows that up with "The Guilty Ones" from Spring Avakening. Which is just such a sweet soft introspective song. God I love that soundtrack. The whole show actually. reminds me of little Emily and of Cass. Little Emily who is pregnant now. Barely more than a child, carrying a child. I don't know what to say to her.

Aaaand sunday followup, work was blah, but Rob and I both have assassin-ish hoodies for the launch tomorrow night and I finished my assassin bag too. Soooo excited. Now time for sleep and then truck. 74 fabric cartons, here I come.
setra: (Default)
Just woke up from a dream that involved Vern and (I think) E screaming at me about the condition of my store to a corporate visitor (probably Steve or Kevin). I am grateful that it wasn't Val and Dianna... then I would be crying. More. >.> At least my brain spared me that.

This is the first work-nightmare since the demotion, so this worries me a lot. Hopefully if it's one of my dreams that ends up happening in de ja vu, I'll be more prepared.

It could also be related to the fact that I have the plague and my lungs have been trying to vacate my body for a a day and a half. Please let this be some sort of fever-induced paranoia. That would be much better.
setra: (Default)
Wow. It's now been about two full weeks since I started this post.... I've been working in a store about 55 miles from my home store for those two weeks and my attitude has been all over the map while I've been down there five days a week. (And usually staying overnight for strings of four days at once).
[EDIT: 55 miles, not 5. I'm not THAT much of a whiney baby. >.>]

First Impressions )
Luckily, that rant was cut short because I started watching Arashi no Shukudai-kun first and was too in love with MatsuJun's new hair to care. Additional Arashi Babble goes here. )

..... all that was two weeks ago. There's been a lot of development on the work front. I'm actually getting very involved in the store. I'm growing to love the team (more on that later), it's clear that they really have their hearts in the right place. We're slowly getting back on track with freight and recovery. There's a growing sense of ownership with me and the store. And... a lot of other things going on that I don't know how I feel about. I will be down there for at least one week, probably two.

I get the feeling that my home store crew figured out where I was in the last few days. I've gotten more calls for store transfers in two days than I did in the whole last week I was there. :P


setra: (Default)

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